Let the games begin

Well I am currently sitting on my couch reflecting on my first day of grad school that happened this past Thursday. Of course I acted like such a freshman and got there at 9am when the class started at 9:30, so I sat by myself for a good amount of time. The only bad thing about Thursday-besides the fact I had to sit my ass in class all day-was the weather decided to unleash its wrath by being extremely humid and disgusting out. I left the house in my basic attire with my full face of makeup, and arrived at school looking like I walked out of the shower. I’m so glad that it is only summer term right now because that means less people to judge my abhorrent looks-and less frat boys to make fun of me!

The week building up to the first day of class was extremely hectic. On Wednesday we had a full day of orientation, where we sat and got information about the program, and did tours. We also had to participate in those get to know you activities and I swear I almost walked out. I am so bad with the whole ice breaker deal, I mean there was an actual campus scavenger hunt planned and as a cohort we all were like nah bro I’m sitting down and taking a nap. We all took a tour of the library, which let me point out has 6 floors and a brand new all glass reading room. I’m pretty positive my mouth was on the ground the entire time. My old college library only had 3 floors and like maybe 5 windows, so for this space to be so huge and bright was just a whole new mythical land. A fun fact that I learned was students actually reserve study spaces in the library for the entire semester, and I’m referring to those little desks-the library man called it a carol???. When I heard that I automatically thought of the movie Sydney White-shoutout to old school Amanda Bynes.  The highlight of orientation was by far the happy hour that was set up where we got free drinks and free food, but let me say that again-FREE ALCOHOL. There was also this really cute second year boy who was there to talk to all of us and I swear we had a love connection. I may or may not have tried to find him on Facebook, but anywhooooo. Orientation was from 9 to 6:30 so needless to say I was dead when I got home.

Thursday was another long day because it was the first day of classes and I wouldn’t get home until 7pm. It was ROUGH man. In undergrad my longest class was maybe 2 hours and that was because I took a night class to avoid all responsibilities on Fridays. In grad school all my damm classes are 3 hours long, and I honestly do not understand how I will survive that torment. I can not pay attention for that long, I don’t even watch 3 hour movies. The professors weren’t playing either because they kept us the whole freakin time, I mean usually we go over the syllabus and then say peace but nope I sat there on my computer online shopping for a good 2 hours. The first two classes went pretty well, but by the last class I was checking the clock every 5 seconds. Let me tell you it is hard to focus for the entire day.

After this week life will only get even tougher because I start my 8 to 4 internship on Monday, where I go three days a week and then class 2 days a week. I am going to die this summer and will not have a life or proper amount of sleep. This new chapter is extremely daunting and nerve racking, but in the end it will be worth it. Wish me luck as I try to survive my life as a post-grad!

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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Ya, all the time

Let us just take a small moment to appreciate Katy Perry for that stellar lyrical bar, honestly I totally made that up because it sounded good, I have no idea if that is how you describe a line of lyrics 😂. I know this is a weird title and all, but yes sometimes your girl feels like a “plastic bag drifting through the wind”. What does that actually mean? Well we can take the lyrics at face value, but there are a few problems with that approach. A plastic bag weights basically nothing so it is pretty easy for the wind to carry it across the sea or the ground, either one really. We all know that I am trying to lose weight, so by no means would the wind move this tank of a body anywhere, hell my legs have had problems moving on more than one occasion. So this face value theory has been busted (lol like from myth busters, I’m so clever). If I actually look at the lyrics and take an analytical approach to it, I would say Katy is trying to convey the idea that sometimes people feel like they are lost and are just “drifting” through life- please note what I did here, eh eh. Being at home for the past few weeks has really made me confront what I want in life, and what direction I see my future going in. I got accepted into an Ivy League graduate school, which is exciting for me because I just get to rub it in my lawyer brothers face-yes I know some childish tendencies never change- and classes are starting in a week. So why do I feel like a plastic bag?

A friend of mine and I went on a self guided tour of our school, and believe me it was a culture shock. I was wearing my basic attire, which is my always faithful back leggings-I refuse to wear jeans, too constricting- and a basic T with a scarf. We agreed to meet in the book store. I shit you not I walked in and almost walked right on out. The first thing I saw was a display of Ralph Lauren school polos. Um excuse me? I was lucky to get a champion t-shirt at Temple. There were all these perfectly dressed guys wearing pastel pants and tommy bahama shirts just browsing the Ralph Lauren section of clothes, which had prices of like 50 dollars. Seriously what am I doing in this alternate universe? It was hard to imagine myself walking these streets, which kinda ties in with the whole Katy Perry firework reference. Sometimes in life we feel like we are drifting with no direction, even though the path is clearly set for us. I have always struggled with self-confidence, and recently I have been doubting my ability to succeed in life- I mean I feel like this is normal being a recent grad who decided to go back to school and has no job. I think it is important to remember that if we put our mind to something as individuals we can always find success.

After recent events, and yes I’m referring to the fateful event where I was broken up with over Facebook messenger- if this doesn’t scream 21st century then I don’t know what does haha- I have been really doubting myself. I wish that there was some magic potion I could take at bedtime and go to bed and wake up feeling confident- and I’m not referring to my go to Malibu Bay Breezes. My ex kinda knocked the wind out of me when he decided to drop me and go for this other girl, and like I have said in my previous post it was devastating. In a way this time has been a means to reflect and discover what I really want in my life. I clearly do not need toxic individuals within my life who can’t even give me the respect to break things off in person after three years- yes okay I’m still salty. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should always feel confident and grab that plastic bag and walk in the direction of success!

I feel like I have rambled through this entire post but this is how my brain operates. Life moves on after times of uncertainty and heartbreak, and it is always important to remember that! The tough times eventually get easier and the doubts go away. While I am scared shitless of starting graduate school this week, its something that I have strived for since beginning college, and I will (hopefully) get through it! Thanks Katy for the awesome lyrics that completely describe how I feel at times- my plastic bag would def be from a food store because I love eating- but I think that I’m going to fill that bag with success and “ignite the light and let it shine”!