Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Ya, all the time

Let us just take a small moment to appreciate Katy Perry for that stellar lyrical bar, honestly I totally made that up because it sounded good, I have no idea if that is how you describe a line of lyrics 😂. I know this is a weird title and all, but yes sometimes your girl feels like a “plastic bag drifting through the wind”. What does that actually mean? Well we can take the lyrics at face value, but there are a few problems with that approach. A plastic bag weights basically nothing so it is pretty easy for the wind to carry it across the sea or the ground, either one really. We all know that I am trying to lose weight, so by no means would the wind move this tank of a body anywhere, hell my legs have had problems moving on more than one occasion. So this face value theory has been busted (lol like from myth busters, I’m so clever). If I actually look at the lyrics and take an analytical approach to it, I would say Katy is trying to convey the idea that sometimes people feel like they are lost and are just “drifting” through life- please note what I did here, eh eh. Being at home for the past few weeks has really made me confront what I want in life, and what direction I see my future going in. I got accepted into an Ivy League graduate school, which is exciting for me because I just get to rub it in my lawyer brothers face-yes I know some childish tendencies never change- and classes are starting in a week. So why do I feel like a plastic bag?

A friend of mine and I went on a self guided tour of our school, and believe me it was a culture shock. I was wearing my basic attire, which is my always faithful back leggings-I refuse to wear jeans, too constricting- and a basic T with a scarf. We agreed to meet in the book store. I shit you not I walked in and almost walked right on out. The first thing I saw was a display of Ralph Lauren school polos. Um excuse me? I was lucky to get a champion t-shirt at Temple. There were all these perfectly dressed guys wearing pastel pants and tommy bahama shirts just browsing the Ralph Lauren section of clothes, which had prices of like 50 dollars. Seriously what am I doing in this alternate universe? It was hard to imagine myself walking these streets, which kinda ties in with the whole Katy Perry firework reference. Sometimes in life we feel like we are drifting with no direction, even though the path is clearly set for us. I have always struggled with self-confidence, and recently I have been doubting my ability to succeed in life- I mean I feel like this is normal being a recent grad who decided to go back to school and has no job. I think it is important to remember that if we put our mind to something as individuals we can always find success.

After recent events, and yes I’m referring to the fateful event where I was broken up with over Facebook messenger- if this doesn’t scream 21st century then I don’t know what does haha- I have been really doubting myself. I wish that there was some magic potion I could take at bedtime and go to bed and wake up feeling confident- and I’m not referring to my go to Malibu Bay Breezes. My ex kinda knocked the wind out of me when he decided to drop me and go for this other girl, and like I have said in my previous post it was devastating. In a way this time has been a means to reflect and discover what I really want in my life. I clearly do not need toxic individuals within my life who can’t even give me the respect to break things off in person after three years- yes okay I’m still salty. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should always feel confident and grab that plastic bag and walk in the direction of success!

I feel like I have rambled through this entire post but this is how my brain operates. Life moves on after times of uncertainty and heartbreak, and it is always important to remember that! The tough times eventually get easier and the doubts go away. While I am scared shitless of starting graduate school this week, its something that I have strived for since beginning college, and I will (hopefully) get through it! Thanks Katy for the awesome lyrics that completely describe how I feel at times- my plastic bag would def be from a food store because I love eating- but I think that I’m going to fill that bag with success and “ignite the light and let it shine”!

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Broken heart? Treat with ice cream

Everybody in life will experience some type of heartbreak, whether it occurs with your significant other or your dog, it will eventually happen. I mean I  broke into a sobbing fit  when Jon Snow died in GOT, but thats besides the point. I recently went through a situation where I felt like someone took my heart got in a semi-truck and ran over it a few times. It was just splendid. I am only twenty-two years old and these type of situations happen often in this time period of life, but it never really gets any better. Some relationships are easier to let go than others, but the ones who grab your heart are absolutely devastating to say goodbye to. After recent events I came up with a list of breakup essentials to make those tough times better.

Number 1: Always have a journal or paper available. While this sounds weird, writing letters to the one who fills you with absolute rage is strongly therapeutic. I wrote in my journal every day about how I was feeling inside and out. After each entry I felt relief, because I was able to point out what was bothering me. I also wrote a letter, okay maybe two, that I would never send but is most definitely worth a pulitzer prize if I do say so myself. It could be three pages or ten, whatever makes that feeling of sadness go away, even if it’s only for a small amount of time.

Number 2: Have ice cream readily available. Okay this may seem so typical and basic but hey it works. A lot of brands have come out with low calorie options which taste just as good as the gallon double chocolate chip, but with half the food remorse. My personal favorite is those new halo brand ice creams because an entire pint is like 250 calories and I can eat the whole thing with tears in my eyes and snot running down my face and not feel like I just gained 50 extra pounds. It is okay to eat ice cream and sweets to relieve some pain every once in awhile, I mean we all need a pick me up option that isn’t a bottle of wine to the face.

Number 3: Cry. Oh lord have I cried so much throughout the past week, I swear I could have filled my pups water bowl with my tears. I am a naturally emotional individual, so of course I ugly cried all week to myself. The best is when you cry and you forget you are wearing makeup and you go to take a snap chat and you see your face and cry even more. No filter can help my raccoon eyes. Going through heartbreak is tough on ones emotions and I feel the best way is to always let it out. I feel bad for my friends because I have gone on FaceTime and had them listen to my whale sobs when they had much better things to do. Crying to my friends and just having their support makes such a difference. I cry to Tucker a lot but he just looks at me like I’m crazy and leaves me for a stuffed cactus, clearly the love is strong between us.

Number 4: Call a friend. I have bitched to so many friends about what I went through and it always felt so encouraging that they were willing to listen. Having friends come and distract you is such a blessing. They understand that you need to talk even if you have brought up the conversation about 100 times- shoutout to Emily and Maddy all I have to say is I owe you one- because they know what you are going through. Never go through heartbreak alone, you will just end up in front of the TV watching a sappy love story, crying and stuffing your face with pizza and cheese fries- I so totally did not do that. Friends are in your life for a reason, use them.

Number 5: Do not go on social media. Yeah see this was a problem for me. My ex left me for another girl with absolute no reason and I was not expecting it what so ever. If I’m being honest I didn’t actually handle it very well, if it wasn’t already obvious by this post. Of course I did the whole looking her up on Facebook, because lets be honest who doesn’t do that, and I tortured myself over stupid things I would never get answers to. Social media only makes you feel worse, and looking at his profile 50 times a day really does nothing to heal the soul.

Overall heartache is a natural occurring thing that we as individuals have to deal with. We all cope in our own way, but it is important to know that the pain will pass and you will move on. It won’t be easy but it will happen. I swear I thought my life was over this past week because I had no clue that the heavens above would open up and just send me an emotional shit storm down upon me. Reflecting on it now, I am in such a better place than I was before. Even though no one reads my blog, just expressing my feelings makes it ten times easier. Heartbreak is hard, but revenge isn’t.

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PS- here is a picture of Tucker totally judging me while I cried, like a massive amount.

Lauren