Let the games begin

Well I am currently sitting on my couch reflecting on my first day of grad school that happened this past Thursday. Of course I acted like such a freshman and got there at 9am when the class started at 9:30, so I sat by myself for a good amount of time. The only bad thing about Thursday-besides the fact I had to sit my ass in class all day-was the weather decided to unleash its wrath by being extremely humid and disgusting out. I left the house in my basic attire with my full face of makeup, and arrived at school looking like I walked out of the shower. I’m so glad that it is only summer term right now because that means less people to judge my abhorrent looks-and less frat boys to make fun of me!

The week building up to the first day of class was extremely hectic. On Wednesday we had a full day of orientation, where we sat and got information about the program, and did tours. We also had to participate in those get to know you activities and I swear I almost walked out. I am so bad with the whole ice breaker deal, I mean there was an actual campus scavenger hunt planned and as a cohort we all were like nah bro I’m sitting down and taking a nap. We all took a tour of the library, which let me point out has 6 floors and a brand new all glass reading room. I’m pretty positive my mouth was on the ground the entire time. My old college library only had 3 floors and like maybe 5 windows, so for this space to be so huge and bright was just a whole new mythical land. A fun fact that I learned was students actually reserve study spaces in the library for the entire semester, and I’m referring to those little desks-the library man called it a carol???. When I heard that I automatically thought of the movie Sydney White-shoutout to old school Amanda Bynes.  The highlight of orientation was by far the happy hour that was set up where we got free drinks and free food, but let me say that again-FREE ALCOHOL. There was also this really cute second year boy who was there to talk to all of us and I swear we had a love connection. I may or may not have tried to find him on Facebook, but anywhooooo. Orientation was from 9 to 6:30 so needless to say I was dead when I got home.

Thursday was another long day because it was the first day of classes and I wouldn’t get home until 7pm. It was ROUGH man. In undergrad my longest class was maybe 2 hours and that was because I took a night class to avoid all responsibilities on Fridays. In grad school all my damm classes are 3 hours long, and I honestly do not understand how I will survive that torment. I can not pay attention for that long, I don’t even watch 3 hour movies. The professors weren’t playing either because they kept us the whole freakin time, I mean usually we go over the syllabus and then say peace but nope I sat there on my computer online shopping for a good 2 hours. The first two classes went pretty well, but by the last class I was checking the clock every 5 seconds. Let me tell you it is hard to focus for the entire day.

After this week life will only get even tougher because I start my 8 to 4 internship on Monday, where I go three days a week and then class 2 days a week. I am going to die this summer and will not have a life or proper amount of sleep. This new chapter is extremely daunting and nerve racking, but in the end it will be worth it. Wish me luck as I try to survive my life as a post-grad!


Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Ya, all the time

Let us just take a small moment to appreciate Katy Perry for that stellar lyrical bar, honestly I totally made that up because it sounded good, I have no idea if that is how you describe a line of lyrics 😂. I know this is a weird title and all, but yes sometimes your girl feels like a “plastic bag drifting through the wind”. What does that actually mean? Well we can take the lyrics at face value, but there are a few problems with that approach. A plastic bag weights basically nothing so it is pretty easy for the wind to carry it across the sea or the ground, either one really. We all know that I am trying to lose weight, so by no means would the wind move this tank of a body anywhere, hell my legs have had problems moving on more than one occasion. So this face value theory has been busted (lol like from myth busters, I’m so clever). If I actually look at the lyrics and take an analytical approach to it, I would say Katy is trying to convey the idea that sometimes people feel like they are lost and are just “drifting” through life- please note what I did here, eh eh. Being at home for the past few weeks has really made me confront what I want in life, and what direction I see my future going in. I got accepted into an Ivy League graduate school, which is exciting for me because I just get to rub it in my lawyer brothers face-yes I know some childish tendencies never change- and classes are starting in a week. So why do I feel like a plastic bag?

A friend of mine and I went on a self guided tour of our school, and believe me it was a culture shock. I was wearing my basic attire, which is my always faithful back leggings-I refuse to wear jeans, too constricting- and a basic T with a scarf. We agreed to meet in the book store. I shit you not I walked in and almost walked right on out. The first thing I saw was a display of Ralph Lauren school polos. Um excuse me? I was lucky to get a champion t-shirt at Temple. There were all these perfectly dressed guys wearing pastel pants and tommy bahama shirts just browsing the Ralph Lauren section of clothes, which had prices of like 50 dollars. Seriously what am I doing in this alternate universe? It was hard to imagine myself walking these streets, which kinda ties in with the whole Katy Perry firework reference. Sometimes in life we feel like we are drifting with no direction, even though the path is clearly set for us. I have always struggled with self-confidence, and recently I have been doubting my ability to succeed in life- I mean I feel like this is normal being a recent grad who decided to go back to school and has no job. I think it is important to remember that if we put our mind to something as individuals we can always find success.

After recent events, and yes I’m referring to the fateful event where I was broken up with over Facebook messenger- if this doesn’t scream 21st century then I don’t know what does haha- I have been really doubting myself. I wish that there was some magic potion I could take at bedtime and go to bed and wake up feeling confident- and I’m not referring to my go to Malibu Bay Breezes. My ex kinda knocked the wind out of me when he decided to drop me and go for this other girl, and like I have said in my previous post it was devastating. In a way this time has been a means to reflect and discover what I really want in my life. I clearly do not need toxic individuals within my life who can’t even give me the respect to break things off in person after three years- yes okay I’m still salty. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should always feel confident and grab that plastic bag and walk in the direction of success!

I feel like I have rambled through this entire post but this is how my brain operates. Life moves on after times of uncertainty and heartbreak, and it is always important to remember that! The tough times eventually get easier and the doubts go away. While I am scared shitless of starting graduate school this week, its something that I have strived for since beginning college, and I will (hopefully) get through it! Thanks Katy for the awesome lyrics that completely describe how I feel at times- my plastic bag would def be from a food store because I love eating- but I think that I’m going to fill that bag with success and “ignite the light and let it shine”!

Under 21 until 3/2/2016

I recently decided it was time to clean out my wallet, because god knows I have receipts in there from the day I was born. As I was taking everything out and organizing, I found all my old drivers licenses and school ID’s, and oh my gosh was it the biggest trip down memory lane. For some odd reason I didn’t want to throw away my very first license so I just kept putting my new ids over the expired ones. In 2011 I obtained my first drivers license, and let me tell you the picture is not that pretty. My hair is all out of sorts and I clearly did not understand where my eyelash line was because my eye liner is going 15 different directions. The same day that I became an official driver was the same day my school was having their homecoming. I was so excited to drive that I raced down the road and met my friend in the parking lot, so we could go and have some fun. Well of course my stupid ass turns the car off and I can’t figure out why the key will not come out, only to find out I never actually put the car in park. Looking back at that period of life, I realize how innocent I really was.

My next id was my official college id issued from Temple University. The way temple set up their id cards was that you could submit a photo and they would use that on your id card. Well I was so excited to look super cute and have an amazing photo that I literally made my best friend Emily come to my house, do my hair, and take the picture. I felt like this was the new beginning of my life, because I was a mega loser in high school- not much has changed tbh- but I wanted to be this new person in college. Even writing this I see how stupid my thought process was. College was this amazing time to prosper and learn, and to make some of the dumbest decisions in history. The first official college id was like the gateway to the heavens and this world of no parents and no curfews.

The second to last id that I found in my wallet was my renewed drivers license. I remember being so annoyed because my id expired a year before my 21st birthday, so I’m now stuck with this vertical license instead of having the normal horizontal license- I know first world problems right? The picture turned out decent but my signature looks like a toddler was given a crayon and a piece of paper and was told to go to town. To this day I have not perfected the official signature, like I am positive I never actually spell my name correctly, which is terribly embarrassing.

My last and final id in my wallet was actually just placed there a few days ago. I recently received my graduate school id, and the reality of life is hitting me smack in the face. I had to move my Temple id to the back, which I will be keeping because campus just got a chick fila and I am totally going back just for that. This new id is like a new beginning, which sounds so corny I know, but seriously it is. My few months of summer is coming to a close, and it is time to get back to reality. Grad school is coming……………..ok yeah that was dramatic.

While you may be thinking what in the hell did I just read? Did she really just write an entire post about ids? Well yes, yes I did. Looking back at the past is not always easy, but is completely therapeutic in the way of growth. I was able to pinpoint emotions that I had in those time periods, and really analyze my thoughts and actions. I have become a completely different person from that girl plastered on the juniors drivers license. I have experienced things that I never would have imagined at that age, and each year the past shows more and more in each picture. My graduate school id is like a new beginning for me. I graduated, got a degree, got broken up with (LOL), moved into a new apartment, and is now starting a new school. It may seem stupid, but I encourage you all to look at your old ids that contain hundreds of memories, and see how far you have come from that first driver license or college id, to present day. Life will always be a long and wild road of ups and downs, but the journey is priceless.

Broken heart? Treat with ice cream

Everybody in life will experience some type of heartbreak, whether it occurs with your significant other or your dog, it will eventually happen. I mean I  broke into a sobbing fit  when Jon Snow died in GOT, but thats besides the point. I recently went through a situation where I felt like someone took my heart got in a semi-truck and ran over it a few times. It was just splendid. I am only twenty-two years old and these type of situations happen often in this time period of life, but it never really gets any better. Some relationships are easier to let go than others, but the ones who grab your heart are absolutely devastating to say goodbye to. After recent events I came up with a list of breakup essentials to make those tough times better.

Number 1: Always have a journal or paper available. While this sounds weird, writing letters to the one who fills you with absolute rage is strongly therapeutic. I wrote in my journal every day about how I was feeling inside and out. After each entry I felt relief, because I was able to point out what was bothering me. I also wrote a letter, okay maybe two, that I would never send but is most definitely worth a pulitzer prize if I do say so myself. It could be three pages or ten, whatever makes that feeling of sadness go away, even if it’s only for a small amount of time.

Number 2: Have ice cream readily available. Okay this may seem so typical and basic but hey it works. A lot of brands have come out with low calorie options which taste just as good as the gallon double chocolate chip, but with half the food remorse. My personal favorite is those new halo brand ice creams because an entire pint is like 250 calories and I can eat the whole thing with tears in my eyes and snot running down my face and not feel like I just gained 50 extra pounds. It is okay to eat ice cream and sweets to relieve some pain every once in awhile, I mean we all need a pick me up option that isn’t a bottle of wine to the face.

Number 3: Cry. Oh lord have I cried so much throughout the past week, I swear I could have filled my pups water bowl with my tears. I am a naturally emotional individual, so of course I ugly cried all week to myself. The best is when you cry and you forget you are wearing makeup and you go to take a snap chat and you see your face and cry even more. No filter can help my raccoon eyes. Going through heartbreak is tough on ones emotions and I feel the best way is to always let it out. I feel bad for my friends because I have gone on FaceTime and had them listen to my whale sobs when they had much better things to do. Crying to my friends and just having their support makes such a difference. I cry to Tucker a lot but he just looks at me like I’m crazy and leaves me for a stuffed cactus, clearly the love is strong between us.

Number 4: Call a friend. I have bitched to so many friends about what I went through and it always felt so encouraging that they were willing to listen. Having friends come and distract you is such a blessing. They understand that you need to talk even if you have brought up the conversation about 100 times- shoutout to Emily and Maddy all I have to say is I owe you one- because they know what you are going through. Never go through heartbreak alone, you will just end up in front of the TV watching a sappy love story, crying and stuffing your face with pizza and cheese fries- I so totally did not do that. Friends are in your life for a reason, use them.

Number 5: Do not go on social media. Yeah see this was a problem for me. My ex left me for another girl with absolute no reason and I was not expecting it what so ever. If I’m being honest I didn’t actually handle it very well, if it wasn’t already obvious by this post. Of course I did the whole looking her up on Facebook, because lets be honest who doesn’t do that, and I tortured myself over stupid things I would never get answers to. Social media only makes you feel worse, and looking at his profile 50 times a day really does nothing to heal the soul.

Overall heartache is a natural occurring thing that we as individuals have to deal with. We all cope in our own way, but it is important to know that the pain will pass and you will move on. It won’t be easy but it will happen. I swear I thought my life was over this past week because I had no clue that the heavens above would open up and just send me an emotional shit storm down upon me. Reflecting on it now, I am in such a better place than I was before. Even though no one reads my blog, just expressing my feelings makes it ten times easier. Heartbreak is hard, but revenge isn’t.


PS- here is a picture of Tucker totally judging me while I cried, like a massive amount.


When you finally realize you’re old…

Today I was driving to my oh so fun work out (not) and I ended up driving past a local high school. As I approached I saw all the high school seniors practicing for graduation, which is basically practicing how to stay in a straight line and walk. Little does that high school senior know, for college graduation they just shuffle you into a line and give the announcer a card with your name on it when you go up to walk across the stage. God I remember exactly the day we had graduation prep four years ago-ew I know I don’t know where the time went and it was honestly so boring, but exciting all at the same time because we were finally leaving the confines of the self labeled prison. I mean everyone says I want to go back to college and redo it, but duhhhhh I mean honestly who wouldn’t want to go back in time when your could drink all day and night and still be able to recover the next morning for a well deserved brunch. Jesus, now a days one sip of alcohol has me going down the tubes of oblivion. I am not one to be super nostalgic about life events but when I saw those kids about to start one of the most fulfilling journeys life can offer you, I was able to reflect on the past four years of my undergrad lifestyle and believe me not all of it was pretty. While some of the events that happened throughout the four years make me cringe with embarrassment because yes I did a lot of embarrassing things my first two years of college, it is always important to remember that everything that happened is a life lesson. I mean I’m still learning that, but it sounds nice right? Nothing in life is perfect or goes the way we all imagine it but I can say that I have met some pretty fantastic people along the way, and of course those who you can’t stand but that’s life. College is a time to work hard and play harder! Haha just kidding I legit stayed in like every weekend watching say yes to the dress. Since the impending doom of grad school is upon me I have been super sappy recently about my last year as an undergrad because lets face it grad school just isn’t the same 😦


A New Year’s Resolution in May?

Throughout my entire life, I have never been the one to gravitate towards the vegetables and healthy food, resulting in a major love affair with greasy, fried deliciousness. While I have ignored the less then healthy attributes of junk food, it is time to come head to head with my personal health. I recently began seeing a trainer and starting using the Weight Watchers System.

Believe me when I say it is nothing like the glowing commercials we see about how people lost weight in like a blink of an eye, but more of a long and slow process to success. I know many people struggle with self image and self love, and I am one of those many. I hope by facilitating a more healthy lifestyle, I can see the change within myself and become a more confident individual. Just one of the many goals I have for the post grad life!