Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Ya, all the time

Let us just take a small moment to appreciate Katy Perry for that stellar lyrical bar, honestly I totally made that up because it sounded good, I have no idea if that is how you describe a line of lyrics 😂. I know this is a weird title and all, but yes sometimes your girl feels like a “plastic bag drifting through the wind”. What does that actually mean? Well we can take the lyrics at face value, but there are a few problems with that approach. A plastic bag weights basically nothing so it is pretty easy for the wind to carry it across the sea or the ground, either one really. We all know that I am trying to lose weight, so by no means would the wind move this tank of a body anywhere, hell my legs have had problems moving on more than one occasion. So this face value theory has been busted (lol like from myth busters, I’m so clever). If I actually look at the lyrics and take an analytical approach to it, I would say Katy is trying to convey the idea that sometimes people feel like they are lost and are just “drifting” through life- please note what I did here, eh eh. Being at home for the past few weeks has really made me confront what I want in life, and what direction I see my future going in. I got accepted into an Ivy League graduate school, which is exciting for me because I just get to rub it in my lawyer brothers face-yes I know some childish tendencies never change- and classes are starting in a week. So why do I feel like a plastic bag?

A friend of mine and I went on a self guided tour of our school, and believe me it was a culture shock. I was wearing my basic attire, which is my always faithful back leggings-I refuse to wear jeans, too constricting- and a basic T with a scarf. We agreed to meet in the book store. I shit you not I walked in and almost walked right on out. The first thing I saw was a display of Ralph Lauren school polos. Um excuse me? I was lucky to get a champion t-shirt at Temple. There were all these perfectly dressed guys wearing pastel pants and tommy bahama shirts just browsing the Ralph Lauren section of clothes, which had prices of like 50 dollars. Seriously what am I doing in this alternate universe? It was hard to imagine myself walking these streets, which kinda ties in with the whole Katy Perry firework reference. Sometimes in life we feel like we are drifting with no direction, even though the path is clearly set for us. I have always struggled with self-confidence, and recently I have been doubting my ability to succeed in life- I mean I feel like this is normal being a recent grad who decided to go back to school and has no job. I think it is important to remember that if we put our mind to something as individuals we can always find success.

After recent events, and yes I’m referring to the fateful event where I was broken up with over Facebook messenger- if this doesn’t scream 21st century then I don’t know what does haha- I have been really doubting myself. I wish that there was some magic potion I could take at bedtime and go to bed and wake up feeling confident- and I’m not referring to my go to Malibu Bay Breezes. My ex kinda knocked the wind out of me when he decided to drop me and go for this other girl, and like I have said in my previous post it was devastating. In a way this time has been a means to reflect and discover what I really want in my life. I clearly do not need toxic individuals within my life who can’t even give me the respect to break things off in person after three years- yes okay I’m still salty. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should always feel confident and grab that plastic bag and walk in the direction of success!

I feel like I have rambled through this entire post but this is how my brain operates. Life moves on after times of uncertainty and heartbreak, and it is always important to remember that! The tough times eventually get easier and the doubts go away. While I am scared shitless of starting graduate school this week, its something that I have strived for since beginning college, and I will (hopefully) get through it! Thanks Katy for the awesome lyrics that completely describe how I feel at times- my plastic bag would def be from a food store because I love eating- but I think that I’m going to fill that bag with success and “ignite the light and let it shine”!

Under 21 until 3/2/2016

I recently decided it was time to clean out my wallet, because god knows I have receipts in there from the day I was born. As I was taking everything out and organizing, I found all my old drivers licenses and school ID’s, and oh my gosh was it the biggest trip down memory lane. For some odd reason I didn’t want to throw away my very first license so I just kept putting my new ids over the expired ones. In 2011 I obtained my first drivers license, and let me tell you the picture is not that pretty. My hair is all out of sorts and I clearly did not understand where my eyelash line was because my eye liner is going 15 different directions. The same day that I became an official driver was the same day my school was having their homecoming. I was so excited to drive that I raced down the road and met my friend in the parking lot, so we could go and have some fun. Well of course my stupid ass turns the car off and I can’t figure out why the key will not come out, only to find out I never actually put the car in park. Looking back at that period of life, I realize how innocent I really was.

My next id was my official college id issued from Temple University. The way temple set up their id cards was that you could submit a photo and they would use that on your id card. Well I was so excited to look super cute and have an amazing photo that I literally made my best friend Emily come to my house, do my hair, and take the picture. I felt like this was the new beginning of my life, because I was a mega loser in high school- not much has changed tbh- but I wanted to be this new person in college. Even writing this I see how stupid my thought process was. College was this amazing time to prosper and learn, and to make some of the dumbest decisions in history. The first official college id was like the gateway to the heavens and this world of no parents and no curfews.

The second to last id that I found in my wallet was my renewed drivers license. I remember being so annoyed because my id expired a year before my 21st birthday, so I’m now stuck with this vertical license instead of having the normal horizontal license- I know first world problems right? The picture turned out decent but my signature looks like a toddler was given a crayon and a piece of paper and was told to go to town. To this day I have not perfected the official signature, like I am positive I never actually spell my name correctly, which is terribly embarrassing.

My last and final id in my wallet was actually just placed there a few days ago. I recently received my graduate school id, and the reality of life is hitting me smack in the face. I had to move my Temple id to the back, which I will be keeping because campus just got a chick fila and I am totally going back just for that. This new id is like a new beginning, which sounds so corny I know, but seriously it is. My few months of summer is coming to a close, and it is time to get back to reality. Grad school is coming……………..ok yeah that was dramatic.

While you may be thinking what in the hell did I just read? Did she really just write an entire post about ids? Well yes, yes I did. Looking back at the past is not always easy, but is completely therapeutic in the way of growth. I was able to pinpoint emotions that I had in those time periods, and really analyze my thoughts and actions. I have become a completely different person from that girl plastered on the juniors drivers license. I have experienced things that I never would have imagined at that age, and each year the past shows more and more in each picture. My graduate school id is like a new beginning for me. I graduated, got a degree, got broken up with (LOL), moved into a new apartment, and is now starting a new school. It may seem stupid, but I encourage you all to look at your old ids that contain hundreds of memories, and see how far you have come from that first driver license or college id, to present day. Life will always be a long and wild road of ups and downs, but the journey is priceless.